The decision to be me sketch

How a impulsive decision can change your life.

On one warm August summer day in 1982, I got a ride home from the airport. I didn’t know then my future husband was besides me at the steering wheel. I had spent three long, boring weeks with my parents and other family members in Greece in holiday. It was so boring I can’t even remember where or what town it was. Prior to this ride home my future husband and me were good friends. At last day of school my fellow students and me went to celebrate the end of school at a restaurant. We had no other option as we studied to become sous-chefs, so no celebration without food. My classmates phoned their boyfriends and girls to accompany them. Not wanting to be the sad girl with no boyfriend, I phoned my best friend and within 30 minutes he stood besides me. So it will come as no surprise at the end of the night he was my official boyfriend. Bingo! I found a someone I can rely on.

Anyway, on our way home somewhere on the highway between Brussels and Antwerp all of a sudden, quite unexpectedly, he popped the question after dating for only two months. “Will you marry me?” I was 17, he was 18.

As I had no further plans, and being 1982 with the nuclear weapons looking over our shoulder ready to drop, I thought marriage would be a last thing to do before we all died. Yeah, I was a real beam of sunshine at the time. So my reply was very calm and controlled, “Yes”. Nothing more, nothing less. A simple yes, and we continued our journey to Antwerp.

Thinking back on it, my husband was a kind of knight, in not so shiny armor. He knew I lived in a controlling environment with hardly any freedom. Being the unhappiest 17 year old he had ever met, the only thing he could think of was marrying me to give me the chance to become a person, not and object to show. And of course he also loves me.

The happiest day of my life wasn’t that at all. My mother did her best to make everything picture perfect, but I felt neglected and just being there to play a side role in her story. So my wedding day didn’t go as the fairytale I was told when I grew up, but at least I had my knight besides me. Chances of me exploding at our wedding day was real as I was a ticking time bomb, but it didn’t happen. I really felt all the aggression building up inside of me, and the man walking next to me had the magic power of calming me down.

Yeah, bingo! I found the right guy for me.

The decision to be me.

Everyone knows getting married is a major step in our lives. For me it was a first step in making a 180 degree turnaround. Looking back at it, the awful day in June 1983 was the best decision I ever made, although it was an impulsive one. It was the start of a long road to live and not being lived. Every step I made walking the long and winding road, with many obstacles released me from some stones I carried with me from childhood, getting lighter every step. I got the chance to grow into the me I am now. Getting rid of the enormous ball and chain hanging around my leg. The ball and chain is long gone, but I’m still trying to let go of the past. But if it wasn’t for getting married to the guy who’s still at my side and supporting, me I would still be one miserable mess.

This little story inspired me to make “The decision to be me”. The bride cuts the string of houses which is a metaphor for the umbilical cord or ball and chains of my parents. You’ll notice, if you look very good, she is cutting the cord with one hand while the other hand is doubtful and holding it back. Cutting yourself free from a controlling upbringing isn’t the easiest thing to do. It’s scary, I felt small, and uncertain. But in the end I’m managing. The thing I would have liked to do was to cut up my awful dress, instead of the houses. But the dress that I hate like I hate walking in the poring rain, still is a symbol of me getting away of the situation I was in then. So I chose to use the string of houses to symbolize getting away from my childhood house. Me, cutting my way to my new life. Me, making the decision to become me.

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You tube video the re-make of “The decision to be me”
What life changing decision did you ever make?

Have you actively made a decision that changed your life in any way? It can be a tiny thing with big consequences, or a big step with changes only you notice. Tell me your story because, we all have one. Everyone makes some kind of step that make your life go in a different direction.

I would love to hear your story.

With a hug and a smile 😊

Sabrina M

The fear of not being good enough.

I’m going to quote Brene Brown – “Shame is the most powerful emotion. It’s the fear that we are not good enough”

Reading this was hard. It had the same effect as rubbing salt into a wound. This hurt, really hurt.

I am the forever saying-sorry-person. When, or should I say, if I can get out of the house, I change my clothes at least three times. Because no matter what outfit I put on I still feel ashamed. I don’t start a conversation with anybody because I always feel such a bore. I follow my husband around like a sick puppy. And at conversations I nod like a monkey that gets a penny. I am so ashamed of myself its even hard for me to say it out loud because of what you might think of me.

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Why do I create?

Photography is phototherapy for me. It all started when I was diagnosed being an Asperger girl. Before that I suffered from severe depressions, was called manic depressed or the said I had on acceptable social behaviour and the list goes on and on. Until … Asperger. I got the advise “you are bored out of your brain”, your brain needs food, you are bored out”.

So I picked up my camera and start learning again. Not just clicking everything I saw but really tried to ventilate my troubles and emotions.

And so my fine art started.

I always start from an emotion, a story, a struggle, something I want to ventilate and channel into a image. At first it was all about releasing cropped up emotions until more and more people started asking me about my art. People begun to tell me their stories, their hurts and hurdles, their struggles. And I realised I was making art not only to help me self, it also helped others with their feelings.

So gradually my fine art became not only important for me, but it opened conversations. It’s all about sharing, getting stuff out there, opening up boxes that would otherwise kept closed. Giving dark images sense of hope. Showing everyone goes through dark times and that it’s normal to have dark or weird feelings sometimes even you yourself don’t understand. No Facebook or Instagram wall shows us real life, no ones life is instaperfect.

On the other hand I’ve been creating some pop surreal images too. You could say it’s miles apart from my fine art but actually it isn’t. As a kid I’ve always been called weird or different. Nothing a kid wants to hear, they just want to be a part of the big “normal” tribe.

But now I know I am weird and different although this has cost me half a lifetime to accept. I’m not a typical grey mouse and I’m beginning to be proud of it. So why not show my twisted side too. You could say they are the opposite of the darker fine art images. Although still strange or creepy most of them put a smile on peoples faces. And the conversations don’t go about deep difficult emotions but the images open up conversations too. They are more an expression of the “newly accepted me” more fun, less serious, still strange.

I’d love to hear your stories. So let’s share them. Don’t be afraid. I may be weird but I don’t bite πŸ˜‰

You can follow my fine art on my Facebook page Fine art by Sabrina-M

Or Instagram @sabrinamfineart

And website Sabrina-M

My pop surrealism page PassΓ© composΓ© – Instagram @sabrinampassecompose

“Flying is done largely with the imagination”

This is the work I’ve made with the tea topic question “What would you like to do that you’ve never done before” .
Well, I would love to fly, not in an airplane or ULM or even jump out of a plane with a parachute. No, I mean really fly. Spread my wings and take off, just like that. Quiet frankly this is only possible in the imagination.
⭐️I hope you like it, give comments and share it with your friends.⭐️
http://www.sabrina-m.be/ to sign up for my newsletter and see all my latest work.
If you want to #buy an #limited museum quality Glicee artprint or represent me in your gallery just mail me.

Sketching Wednesday

Monday I have asked you πŸ‘‰πŸ»πŸ‘‰πŸ»What would you like to do that you’ve never done?πŸ‘ˆπŸ»πŸ‘ˆπŸ»

Today I show you my sketch.
can you guess what’s it about?

http://www.sabrina-m.be/ to sign up for my newsletter and see all my latest work.
If you want to #buy an #limited museum quality Glicee artprint or represent me in your gallery just mail me.13-.jpg

Mondays question, last one

πŸ‘‰πŸ»πŸ‘‰πŸ»What would you like to do that you’ve never done?πŸ‘ˆπŸ»πŸ‘ˆπŸ»
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It’s the last of the tea topics questions. 12 weeks have gone by, 12 questions answered. That you all took part in answering some of the questions.
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It would be nice if you all share your thoughts and dreams with me. Friday you’ll find out what my thought was and what piece of art I made with this question as an inspiration.
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http://www.sabrina-m.be/ to sign up for my newsletter and see all my latest work.
If you want to #buy an #limited museum quality Glicee artprint or represent me in your gallery just mail me.nooit-gedaan.jpg

Loss

This is the work I’ve made with the tea topic question “what’s your worst nightmare’ in mind.
The stork symbolizes motherhood and new birth. He’s flying out of the frame away from the lady, a sign of lost motherhood.

⭐️I hope you like it, give comments and share it with your friends.⭐️

http://www.sabrina-m.be/ to sign up for my newsletter and see all my latest work.
If you want to #buy an #limited museum quality Glicee artprint or represent me in your gallery just mail me.

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Sketching Wednesday

Monday I have asked you πŸ‘‰πŸ»πŸ‘‰πŸ»What’s your worst nightmare?πŸ‘ˆπŸ»πŸ‘ˆπŸ»
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Today I show you my sketch. I think its a topic many parents can relate to, losing a child would be my worst nightmare. The stork symbolizes motherhood and new birth. He’s flying out of the frame away from the lady, a sign of lost motherhood.
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http://www.sabrina-m.be/ to sign up for my newsletter and see all my latest work.
If you want to #buy an #limited museum quality Glicee artprint or represent me in your gallery just mail me.
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Monday’s question.

πŸ‘‰πŸ»πŸ‘‰πŸ»What’s your worst nightmare?πŸ‘ˆπŸ»πŸ‘ˆπŸ»
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It would be an honor if you would share your nightmares. Friday you’ll find out what my thought was and what piece of art I made with this question as an inspiration.
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http://www.sabrina-m.be/ to sign up for my newsletter and see all my latest work.
If you want to #buy an #limited museum quality Glicee artprint or represent me in your gallery just mail me.nachtmerrie.jpg

Sometimes home is a person

“Sometimes home is a person”
Wednesday I asked you all the question, πŸ‘‰πŸ»What was your last thought yesterday?
I often think about moving. I’m not exactly satisfied to live in this area and this house. I’m often dreaming with my husband, our daughter and her family to immigrate to France. But that does not really happen. I like solitude, minimalism, tranquility and living in a city like Antwerpen all these things fairly impossible. But you should never give up your dreams, you never know.
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I hope you like it, give comments and share it with your friends.
http://www.sabrina-m.be/ to sign up for my newsletter and see all my latest work.
If you want to #buy an #limited museum quality Glicee artprint or represent me in your gallery just mail me.
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